Self Sabotage

What is self sabotage? According to Psychology Today, self-sabotage is “when a behavior creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals.” I have a lot of goals that I want to achieve in the next 6 months. So why have I spent this evening cleaning, cooking and am currently sipping my second drink?!?

How does one achieve their goals? How does one get the fire inside them that moves them to do more than others? I think I just have so much to do and so many thoughts floating around in my head, that I end up doing nothing. In the morning, I want to do so much, but the time just seems to fly. I have the basics down: eating, basic self care, going to work everyday, chatting with friends and the weekly exercise classes, but that’s kind of it. I want to be excellent, successful, financially stable and most of all, happy.

The good news is that I’m feeling better emotionally and much more positive about my current situation. Each morning I wake up and write down 10 things that I love and value about myself which was suggested by Jake Ducey. I also write a list of all the things that I’m grateful for. Doing those two activities in the morning leaves me feeling content with where I’m at. However, I know that I can do more and you HAVE to do more to move to the next level. If I wanted to stay an office manager, remain overweight and teach dance classes on the weekend, than I wouldn’t have to do anything more. But to find a new job, lose weight and get paid for my classes, I need to take the necessary steps to get there.

Plan of Action: I’m going to blog more often to have some accountability. Also to be more consistent with my goals. Changes that I will implement until my next post:

  1. Lower carbs- I’ve been doing research on keto. Even though I’m not going that route, I want to lower my carb intake because I think I’m insulin resistant and I don’t want to be a slave to glucose spikes. I’ve already cut out bread, so the next steps are bananas, plantains and other higher starched foods
  2. Write a blog every 3-4 days
  3. Practice my class choreography daily- I haven’t taught a class in 2 weeks. Although it’s nice to be off, I think I’m regressing in my fitness capabilities, especially since I’ve stopped doing crossfit. I want to start dancing daily, for at least 30 mins, in order to get my energy back and to have new moves when I return to teaching in 3 weeks
  4. Study 30 mins for my AFAA fitness instructor certification or GRE exam
  5. Take a walk during lunch every day, at least around the block

That’s it! Nothing too out there or challenging. I can get better. I will get better!

Removing the “Golden Handcuffs” and Quitting My Job

Quitting my job is the current thought in my head, all of the time. My fitness instructor career (albeit a volunteer one) is gaining momentum. My classes are getting fuller and people actually love my content. My mind is blown away half of the time by the positive feedback that I’m getting. I’m glad that my song choices and choreography are resonating with people. I want to do it more often so I’m currently studying for my AFAA Group Fitness Instructor certification so I can work at a real gym and get paid.

On August 27, 2018, I will have been at my job for 6 years, but I don’t plan to make it that far. I dread the job, the patients, the phone calls, the doctor, the complaints… I don’t want to deal with it and manage it anymore. So…. I’m planning to quit, very, very soon. My job requires 4 weeks notice, so in order to leave by my anniversary, I need to give notice by July 27. Already, I feel anxiety in the pit of my belly, but I think it’s mainly excitement mixed with some fear.  As of right now, I don’t have a plan (LOL) and I have never quit without jumping to the next job. So really I’ve been working in hospitals for 10 years straight. I know I would be able to survive 2-3 months without a salary. I’ve already been looking for work, but it would be so much easier to look if I had more time instead of working this 9-5pm.

Before I quit, I want to 1) Take a mini vacation 2) Get CPR certified 3) Pay 3 months rent in advance. The rent is the main factor, also utilities and cell phone, but besides that, everything else can wait for my next job.  These golden handcuffs that I’m wearing, which is really just a steady paycheck because I don’t get perks, are making it too hard for me to make progress. Plus the fact that the job messes with my emotions, I feel like I’m treading water. Losing and gaining back the same 5 lbs. Making positive changes and then having setbacks after a bad day. If I stay my current course, I will slowly truck along towards my dreams. I feel deep down in my bones that I need to do something drastic. Like getting the f**k out.

Great blog post below that I plan to read everyday until I give my notice. I’m considering waiting an extra week to give notice, just to get an extra paycheck in my hand, but I’m going to let my heart lead me.

Quit Your Job and Join the Gym

What Is Self Care To You?

I read an interesting, and controversial, article on self care. The author said that it is not all salt baths and eating cake —> Article . I agree with her completely. We should all strive to have a life that we don’t need to escape from. Isn’t that the point? Self care to me used to be having a glass (or four) of wine per night to recover from a hellish job and sad, single existence. But for the past 7 weeks I have been doing crossfit and working out a lot. I made some friends and realized that I can’t workout in the morning if I am hungover… so I no longer drink the night before I exercise.

My job is no longer my top priority, but I am still there. And now I’m sitting in the uncomfortableness with no mental escape. I know I will get to the point where I can no longer take it and will hand in my notice. But until then…

Self Care to me is:

  • Preparing to leave my job by job hunting, saving money and controlling my spending
  • Paying down my loans and credit card debt
  • Continuing to exercise and do Crossfit; push past my limits and challenge myself
  • Not drinking excessively
  • Playing with Pixie, my cat
  • Learning to love and accept myself as I am
  • Getting 7-8 hours of sleep, drinking as much water as possible and eating my veggies
  • Listening to motivational podcasts and reading self help books
  • Putting myself first and surrounding myself with people that make my feel good

Crossfit has kind of taken over my life, but in a good way. I  have no idea what made my sign up for the 6 week challenge. When I went for the “interview”, which was just a facility tour and explanation of the challenge,  I thought it was HIIT. I was in a plateau and saw an ad on Instagram. I went there, signed up, and the rest is history. I have done more exercise in the past 7 weeks than I have in the past 6 months. After my 6 week intro package, my new friends and I signed up for 6 months. I definitely know that it was the right thing to do. My life was a mess and now I have some structure. I have pushed myself harder than I ever thought possible and lifted, safely, more than I thought I ever could. Most importantly, I have cleaned up my life tremendously. Like I mentioned before, I drink a lot less, at most 1 day per week, I’ve been reading more, sleep 7 hours per night and I just feel more balanced and in tune with my body. My self confidence has increased and now I’m trying to improve my self esteem.

I also want to figure out what challenge I can do next.