Self Sabotage

What is self sabotage? According to Psychology Today, self-sabotage is “when a behavior creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals.” I have a lot of goals that I want to achieve in the next 6 months. So why have I spent this evening cleaning, cooking and am currently sipping my second drink?!?

How does one achieve their goals? How does one get the fire inside them that moves them to do more than others? I think I just have so much to do and so many thoughts floating around in my head, that I end up doing nothing. In the morning, I want to do so much, but the time just seems to fly. I have the basics down: eating, basic self care, going to work everyday, chatting with friends and the weekly exercise classes, but that’s kind of it. I want to be excellent, successful, financially stable and most of all, happy.

The good news is that I’m feeling better emotionally and much more positive about my current situation. Each morning I wake up and write down 10 things that I love and value about myself which was suggested by Jake Ducey. I also write a list of all the things that I’m grateful for. Doing those two activities in the morning leaves me feeling content with where I’m at. However, I know that I can do more and you HAVE to do more to move to the next level. If I wanted to stay an office manager, remain overweight and teach dance classes on the weekend, than I wouldn’t have to do anything more. But to find a new job, lose weight and get paid for my classes, I need to take the necessary steps to get there.

Plan of Action: I’m going to blog more often to have some accountability. Also to be more consistent with my goals. Changes that I will implement until my next post:

  1. Lower carbs- I’ve been doing research on keto. Even though I’m not going that route, I want to lower my carb intake because I think I’m insulin resistant and I don’t want to be a slave to glucose spikes. I’ve already cut out bread, so the next steps are bananas, plantains and other higher starched foods
  2. Write a blog every 3-4 days
  3. Practice my class choreography daily- I haven’t taught a class in 2 weeks. Although it’s nice to be off, I think I’m regressing in my fitness capabilities, especially since I’ve stopped doing crossfit. I want to start dancing daily, for at least 30 mins, in order to get my energy back and to have new moves when I return to teaching in 3 weeks
  4. Study 30 mins for my AFAA fitness instructor certification or GRE exam
  5. Take a walk during lunch every day, at least around the block

That’s it! Nothing too out there or challenging. I can get better. I will get better!

12 week life makeover

I have been slacking off. In regards to my eating, working out and life in general. It’s all been cumulating over the past 2 weeks, and the final kicker was my ankle injury last week. Ever since then, I’ve been unable to stop eating and I am currently downward spiraling. As we speak. Adding to that, the non fitness parts of my life aren’t great, so I am on track to gaining all the weight back that I lost.

I can’t figure out what is wrong. I know when I’m at work, I’m miserable and don’t want to be there, but that hasn’t changed in the past 5 yrs. I have been doing more towards my fitness career, so perhaps that is putting a spotlight on the fact that my 9-5 job is energy draining… I have this knee issue that I feel all the time, that bothers me…. I signed up for Match, but don’t think I would actually date anyone because I don’t feel good about myself…. I just need a break from it all and I need to do better.

I signed up for a 12 week career bootcamp. I know that my job is just an external issue, so in theory fixing that might not fix the internal issues. My mom always says “Wherever you go, there you are.” If you hate yourself or are depressed, that will make you even more so. But I’m also  working on the internal stuff as well. The job is just such a major factor in my mood and life, I know that things will change once I get a new job so I decided to get some outside help in the job hunting department. It’s a 12 week program that provides resources, coaching, resume and linkedin help… so it seems pretty good.

I also signed up for my AFAA certification course to be a certified fitness instructor, so I can study for that in these 12 weeks. Plus I want to do an elimination diet,  so no alcohol, sugar (!!!), soy and gluten. The major thing I want to eliminate is the alcohol and the sugar because I am addicted to sugar and alcohol just wastes my time.  I want to focus on exercise, physical therapy, recovery and getting healthy. With each day, I see more concerning behavior, like buying Baskin Robbins 3 times in the past 2 weeks, and getting 3 scoops each time. If I had a therapist, I would ask how someone could fall so far from grace in 3 weeks… But I’m reading the signals and am changing things up NOW.

The bootcamp starts on Sunday, but I’m starting immediately.

Phase 1- Week 1-2

  • No alcohol (!)
  • No sugar (!!)
  • 8 glasses of water per day
  • At least 7 hrs of sleep per night
  • Daily meditation and affirmations.- I realize that my job isn’t great, but it pays my bills, so I’m grateful
  • Daily physical therapy exercises
  • Crossfit or fitness class 4x per week
  • Daily blog posts
  • Participating in the Career Bootcamp and the meditation programs that I signed up for

I want a life makeover, but no one is going to do it for me. I need to do it for myself. I can be better and reach my weight, fitness and professional goals. 2018 will be the year.

Namaste

The Annual Funk

A lot is going on in my life but over the past week two weeks, I have been down. Really down. Like I’ve had takeout 5 nights in a row last week. I have stopped my self-development and self-care routine, my gym routine and all things self-improvement.

I have been very busy:

  • I passed my fitness instructor midterm which involved me teaching my class a dance cardio routine. It was nerve wracking but my dance was great and you can’t go wrong with Pitbull…. DALE! 
  • Work has been STRESSFUL. We had to fire my medical secretary because he was not detailed oriented and just wasn’t a good match for the work. It has been weeks of write-ups, verbal warnings and corrections, awkward conversations, retraining him on basics then being irritated and towards the end waiting for the ax to drop. I’ve come to the conclusion that being a manager is not for me but now I have to step up. I’m actually OK with doing his job, if I’m getting paid more but last time I asked for more last year I was turned down. It was the exact same situation but the last secretary quit. I just don’t have the mental energy to hire and train someone now because of the third “stressor”…
  • This biostatistics class that I’ve been not really trying at. I’d rather work on my dance routines which is what I’ve been doing to the detriment of my weekly homework assignments. I’ve FINALLY started to open the books and study and I have a midterm this week.

But all of the things I mentioned, which  are really blessings of opportunity, isn’t why I’ve been eating donuts, Indian takeout and drinking a lot. My 34th birthday is Tuesday. It’s my yearly reminder to reevaluate my life to see what I don’t have yet and compare it to others. But instead of continuing this downward spiral, I’m stopping it now. No, I’m not exactly where I want to be BUT since last October I have:

  1. lost 34 lbs
  2. moved into my own apartment
  3. survived the death of a cat and sickness of another
  4. became a vegan
  5. cut down on excessive drinking
  6. applied and got accepted into a fitness instructor training program
  7. am finishing my last class in a public health certificate program
  8. am actively working on a personal development plan to get better

I am not perfect, I will never be, but there is nothing wrong with me and the progress that I’ve made so far in my life. Everything that I want: love, marriage and baby carriage: will come in due time. I just need to stay happy, positive and keep working on myself and getting better. Keep an attitude of gratitude no matter what.  And always say yes to invitations because you never know who you will meet!give-thanks-1024x848